grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The air was thick with penises
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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