Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
