I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
