Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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