No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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