Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
