I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
