Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize