I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
