Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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