filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
