I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
