I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
