Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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