My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
