His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
