She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
