Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
