I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
