Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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