just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
