I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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