I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
