I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
