Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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