Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize