um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
