in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
