Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize