The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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