So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
