I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize