Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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