i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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