"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
