She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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