Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
