I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just gift wrapped bread.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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