Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
