You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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