dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
