so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
