I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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