It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
