Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Randomize
