Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
