Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
