a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Less talking, more tequila
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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