Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize