I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
