Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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