so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
