He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
