I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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