I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Randomize
