I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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