i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
