stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
