I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I need to calm my uterus...
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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