The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
