A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
