Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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