his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
