I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize