It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
