I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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