Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
